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And since I proved constitutionally unable to finish such pieces in any reasonable amount of time… Cast in point.
I was confused, actually, since I had always conflated this title and that of Women of the Prehistoric Planet. I was therefore excited to have another crappy film pop up on my radar. Aside from being terminally lazy and unfocused, I am also on occasion overly ambitious. This is a bad combination. Thus when I discovered that Voyage to the Planet of the Prehistoric Woman was constructed from bits pillaged from the Soviet film Planeta Bur, and that further that film had previously been reshaped into another film, Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet adding further to my title confusion , I decided that I would review all three movies.
Evans failed to see the danger. Sure enough, even though her requested article finally approaches being posted—following a Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet review—it was at a bitter cost.
But hey, the end is in sight. Still, it has points of interest, and only partly because of its exoticism.
Planeta Bur (1962) - Pavel Klushantsev | Review | AllMovie
Once the cosmonauts make planetfall, however, the film suddenly becomes a zany wonkfest on the order of such goofy fare as First Spaceship to Venus or Angry Red Planet. Seconds later, however, the Capella is wiped out by a meteor strike. The odds against such a thing occurring are, well, astronomical, but anyway.
They are interrupted by a message from Earth. The men discuss the implications. However, the original exploration plan requires three ships: The idea is that they are meant to wait for the third ship and proceed as planned, although it seems unlikely they would have the means to orbit Venus for four months before proceeding. Vershinin is the most veteran, and seemingly mission leader. Sirius Roman Bobrov is A Guy.
Sirius Alyosha is the youngest fellow, and naturally the most impetuous. Sirius Ilya Shcherba is team leader of the Vega. Kern is the apparent technology guru.
Vega Masha is the woman. Vega Alyosha balks at this latest set of orders. He suggests using this to head to the surface immediately. Vershinin points out that the glider would not be able to leave the planet.
Alyosha agrees, and proposes that he should land on Venus and work there until the Arcturus arrives. At that point two astro-ships would descend to the surface together, as originally planned, and meet him. He stalwartly assumes any risk that comes from following his suggested path. On the Vega, the other crew debates this proposed scheme. One of these is Kern, the designer of Iron John the Robot.
John is rather interesting. This thing must have been an almighty pain in the ass for the actor inside to maneuver around, but it is pretty cool.
Masha, the lone female cosmonaut, remains upset by the deaths of their fellows. Still, they agree, or at least the two menfolk do, that somebody should go down.
Several of the other crewmembers, meanwhile, view John at least somewhat darkly. Apparently using a technological artifact in place of humans denies a larger, glorious human triumph. Then there is the fact that Kern is the most cold-blooded of the bunch, perhaps another sign of his lack of progressive tendencies. This is all conjecture on my part, though. Kern activates John and gives him this order. The Sirius would eventually return to orbit with five crewmembers, leaving the sixth on the planet.
In the end, of course, the Glory of the People overshadows the wishes of any individual, and Masha bucks up. Later we see Masha gazing out a port window as she records her thoughts on the planet below. The scene proves that there was no significant Clunky Exposition Gap between our cheesy sci-fi flicks and those of the Soviets, as this is naturally used to establish a number of things for the audience.
Kern, as usual, is more acerbic. But then we Americans are a dour, pessimistic people. Later, Shcherba radios Vershinin and explains that no apparent landing spot for the Sirius can be found through the cloud cover.
Shcherba fills him in on the plan Iron John formulated. He, Kern and John would take the more maneuverable glider down first, and locate a spot for the larger Sirius to eventually land. John would work to set things up for the larger mission to resume after Arcturus arrives. At a loss for a better plan, Vershinin signs off on asking permission to pursue the idea, although Roman dubs the scheme reckless. Cut to Shcherba and Kern suited up and preparing to leave, while Masha mopes in the background.
She and Shcherba kiss before he leaves, so apparently they are an item. Then the glider is seen falling towards Venus, while Masha tearfully looks on. Meanwhile, the crew of the Sirius tracks the glider. After the boat enters the cloudy atmosphere, control of the vessel is given to John.
Unable to penetrate the atmosphere, Shcherba uses their instruments to locate a suitable landing spot for the Sirius glider. However, buffeting winds carry the glider away, and they report that they are being forced down over a swamp.
Again, we hear about all this rather than see it. Perhaps the film was produced by Roger Cormanskovich. Those remaining in orbit are naturally distraught, especially Masha. Unable to contact the glider, Vershinin eventually decides they will go ahead and land the Sirius and mount a rescue operation.
He radios Masha to inform her of this, and tells her to monitor them. As they prepare for their mission, they receive a call from Earth. And boy, if the Soviet Union stood for anything, it was that principle.
Needless to say, however, the stalwart crew goes forward with their plan. Eventually the Sirius lands in a thick not to mention economical cloud of dry ice fog. They turn on the exterior microphones, and are bewildered, as am I, to hear an assortment of Forbidden Planet-esque electronic sound effects. The sounds fade out and the guys get back to work.
Vershinin orders Alyosha to contact Masha once her ship comes back over the horizon. At dawn the next day, they don fairly believable spacesuits and commence their search for the glider.
The first out of the ship, Alyosha gleefully announces that the ground is firm and asks permission to take a little jaunt. Vershinin agrees, and off he goes. What else could it be? He soon is separated from the ship by the fog, which is pretty quick work, I must say. He hears Vershinin order him back, and turns to obey, whereupon the film goes in another direction entirely. Here it heads straight into b-movie land, as Alyosha finds what else?
He unsheathes a knife, and tries to hack away at the thing right near his ankle. Not that it really matters, because he almost immediately loses hold of his blade. After this, the tentacles pull him from sight behind a rock. Inside the Sirius, Roman tells Vershinin that Masha has located the glider.
She was unable to contact the crew, but did track a moving metal object, presumably Iron John. Hereabouts the guys hear the scat singing opera singer again. Following the rope, they soon find their crewmate in the clutches of a pretty standard Giant Bulbous Carnivorous Plant, complete with flailing, wire-manipulated tentacles. They draw their own knives and also start hacking at the tentacles binding Alyosha, a strategy which might explain the lack of successful Soviet manned space exploration missions.
After a fairly rote tussle, they pull Alyosha free and book out of there. Yeah, no thanks to you, buddy. He asks how they knew he was in trouble, and Vershinin replies that they heard a shout. They thought the opera woman voice was Alyosha?! Having returned to the Sirius, Vershinin radios Masha for further details. In response, she gushes like a girl in her joy over having located the glider. Bringing a girl into space is like bringing a little monkey with his own little spacesuit.
Lacking a better suggestion, however, Roman goes to get the vehicle prepared. And sure enough, cutting over to their location, we see that this is so. Iron John is staggering around over the uneven terrain, and you certainly feel sympathy for whoever was stuck into the suit.
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Kern is seemingly calm, while Shcherba fires a wee little pistol at unseen forms flitting around in the fog. Then we do see them, and they are guys in some amusing reptiloid costumes. As Shcherba is attacked, Kern fires too. He has a much larger pistol, perhaps a Lugar.