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I am 51 year old deaf woman. I am a divorced mother of three adult children and a grandmother of 8 children. I was not a Christian all my life. When I was a child, my family took me to a Sunday church once awhile, but I knew nothing about God or Jesus Christ because of my deafness and also no sign language interpreting services in the old days. My parents were not Christian believers, so church was not important part of our life. At age 15 I met and married 27 year old man, Tom.
We were together for 16 years and had three children. He was a Catholic and our children attended parochial school for few years. The Father priest and the nuns were unkind to me on several occassions.
That had shocked me and hurt me deeply. I felt left out everytime in the mass service and I hated it. It was painful experience for me because it made me feel lonely and isolated like no body cared about me. I had considered them hypocrites and fanatics. But I had fears that God would never forgive me because I committed many wrongs during the 16 year marriage.
Yes, I actually was terrified of Him, for I had that old fearful thought of a lightning striking me down because of his wrath. Tom and I got divorced in year , for it was a real bad marriage. It was one of the worst darkest days in my life. The divorce was ugly and bitter. He healed me completely of the wounds. It was joyous and healing experience which had changed me at degrees completely into a different person.
I was never the same since then. For two whole months, I was in His Saving Grace which was like being in joyous and peaceful state. To this day, I still never forget that powerful moment with Lord Jesus Christ. He showed me the real meaning of Love. Soon after, I bought the Bible Book and read a few scriptures but I was not able to understand the words at all.
For a beginner, I had picked a worst page to read. It was Revelation that I first read because I was curious about the future predictions. But those pages made me angry and badly frightened. My English skill was not good at that time, and I had taken the words literally. So I told myself that I would not ever read that book again. Also I was angry with its authoritive male view of women and her role in life in the proverbs. So I prayed to the Lord and asked Him to show me the path that would take me closer to Him.
Within couple months, I met a new friend who introduced me into the New Age. At that time, I had believed that God had answered my prayer. I was very excited and grateful. I studied and read books everyday.
Also was a disciple of Holy guru from India for three years. Alright, now about the drugs. I really want to warn you about them because of their terrible consequences. I am still suffering from that to this day! In year , one year after my youngest child, at age 18, moved away from home, I started smoking marijuana, and I eventually smoked it everyday by third year. By then I knew I was addicted to it, but I was not willing to let it go.
I had liked it too much. Also, I had hard time handling my nervousness, so the pot helped me relax more. We were living in a nice and small apartment complex one block away from the beach in Los Angeles, CA. On every weekend, We would smoke a few puffs of pot and then go rollerblading out on the beach bike path.
So it was exciting time of our life, having the freedom to play at the beach. I was very afraid of them. In early teen years, I had learned about their dangerous consequences from the drug education in my junior high school class.
However, temptation did hit me one day when a young long-haired man offered to me the colorful pills on his hands. I gave in and decided to try some, but two young women interupted to stop me and told him to get away. They were protective of me. Then they said that they wanted to show me something, so I went with them to see one of their friends, a young man.
Half of his face was badly burned caused by tampering with the electric socket during his LSD drug hallucination. I was horrified at the sight of his face which was greatly disfigured. Since that day, I stayed clear away from those dangerous drugs. However, after smoking pot for three years, my resolve to stay away from dangerous drugs had weakened. In the fall of , my close girlfriend, Mary, moved in to stay at my apartment home for a temporary time. One of the neighbors upstairs started to sell Crack drugs.
I had noticed the increased traffic to his apartment everyday, and I was afraid of the trouble with the drug users and the law. I told him to stop that business. I knew him personally.
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He was a deaf man, Bill at age 27, and was from Boston. But he was making big money and he liked it too much, so he refused to stop. He bought many new things, clothes, big TV, stereo, and new furniture for his apartment.
Ok, after I got back home from one- month vacation trip, I learned that my best friend, Mary, had started smoking crack, too. But She told me that it was an awesome high trip. She then offered some to me.
After a little hesitation, I accepted and smoked the crack. I had never heard of the word Crack, so I had no idea of the kind of drug it was. Also, it was because I believed Mary…what she said about the crack. How awesome it was. To make a point about the drug Crack…later in the following years, in the AA meetings, I had heard this saying often about the drug Crack from other ex-users.
I had seen that happened to my friends and me. It is horrible addictive drug!
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Then you would be going through same thing all over again in the next day and again in the following days. That was what happened to me and my friends.
I had to make extreme effort to control it by smoking it only in evenings after work and only few times a week. By fourth week, the craving was so bad that I found myself crawling on the floor, looking for the crack left overs.
At that moment, I was acutely aware of my behavior and I was truly horrified at the change in me and also at Mary. She had become a full-time user by smoking it 24 hours every day. It was horrible to see how it had changed her personality, for she became a different person.
A not nice person with an aggressive attitude. Her talk was wild and full of profanities. That was totally unlike her.
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In our 18 year of friendship, she had never said one bad word against me. That is how drugs like crack could change a person drastically. I was so happy and grateful. The drug Crack also hurt our neighbors, for it had killed one of them with an heart attack. Other neighbors were also becoming addicted. I saw how they hardly ever stopped smoking crack. The daily sight of them sitting on the sofa, on the beds, and on the floors with the drugs and the stink being strong in the apartment had horrified and saddened me both at same time.
After 6 months of drug dealing, the deaf man was evicted from his apartment. That was during the month after I had quit. However, within 2 weeks, I had to evict both my friend Mary and drug dealer from my home. It was like a nightmare for me. I had lost my best friend of 18 years. It broke my heart that I had to kick her out of my home. They had made horrendous mess in my home.